So let's switch gears and focus on getting the love juices flowing in your head up *there* and not your head down *there*. The information I got from this survey would be vital if I didn't make all of it up. Only you could possibly know, you sex magnate, you conqueror of women and detester of all injustices and evils that run afoul.įriend 5: That's crazy, but I don't remember asking. I don't have sex, and never have I loved. And that's gay.įriend 4: Probably is, but I wouldn't know. Please, get a better joke, for the love of god.įriend 2: Uh, yeah? Gotta have the two sexes for the two lovers.
To find out, I asked five of my friends the following question įriend 1: Shut the ♥♥♥♥ UP about sex.
#Find love or die trying download how to
But in this guide, I'll be teaching you how to pork AND die! But is porking an essential part of love? Your love life, in all honesty, is a lot like Squid Game. We, as the affirmative team, define the love arena as the pool of potential mates and competitors for mates of which you will be sparring with. We must first begin with some simple steps that will boost your potency in the love arena. *Editor's Note: You can stop reading this in Ben Shapiro's voice now. I just imagine Ben Shapiro would have a superiority complex regarding where he buys his groceries.Īddendum: Upon further reconsideration, ALDI is ♥♥♥♥, ♥♥♥♥♥♥ hot garbage. This is exactly why you must find love, because it is sweet and you will die without it. Now, dear reader, it must be evidently clear to you that this is not a good foundation for romance, earnest and true.
Hypothetically, this is the only grocery store in a 10 metre radius and I just can't give two ♥♥♥♥♥ to walk down to ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ ALDI to, god forbid, buy whatever off-brand food they have in there.* The man says that if I want the sweet goods, I will have to satiate his potent sexual drive via oral stimulation.
Then, let's suppose that a man has gathered every sweet thing from the grocery store and packed it all away into a storage crate to which only he has the key. Let's say I, a consumer, desire sweetness as it is essential to my survival. I've watched at least 5 YouTube videos on the topic that have condensed all the information into easily digestible, 10 minute segments of AB tested consumer content, so I'm clearly an expert on the matter. The solution? Throw sugar in literally everything. The desire for sweetness is a simple factoid inherent in the human condition. To quote warholsoup100 on YouTube, " Al Bowlly Ray Noble - Love Is The Sweetest Thing 1932Īnd so, it is evidently obvious that everyone would want such a thing, given everyone likes sweet things. *Editor's Note: The following is best read in Ben Shapiro's voice.
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